Monday, February 28, 2011

Keep him emotionally happy

When starting from scratch about break-ups in marriage and what causes it, a great number of people might rate incompatibility as the biggest cause. But one of the many reasons is also lack of emotional satisfaction, the kind that your husband might not say but actually wants from you. It's not the battle of the sexes and yes, it's not true that men just need physical satisfaction. Some women may not know how to satisfy their husbands emotionally. One might need to pause and rethink some points that they might tend to ignore because of their busy lives.

1. Learn to Understand him
Well, magazines, relationship articles and any close friend-cum-agony aunt might have told you this a zillion times, and we second them all; understanding is the key to any relationship. Psychologist Anjali Chhabria, says "Men are normally people of few words. So learn to understand what they don't say." Marriage is more than just what our ancestors said, a sacred institution involving two people. You need to understand your man. He just might be the most confident person on the outside, but extremely insecure from inside. Try knowing him and make him feel that you care.

2. Communicate with him
Men might portray they are content with it all, but they do need emotional satisfaction like any other human being. Men even might tag a woman as gossip-queen or chatterbox, but well, they are not any less themselves. So, when they say or share something, however small it might be, they want their wives to listen to them. Psychologist Chandni Mehta says, "Emotional stimulation is extremely important for one to be interested in any relationship. Bond with your husband on issues like discussing his friends, family, expectations, etc. When he feels the need for an ego kick, sort it out by easing him into a conversation. Never ever put him on a pedestal or judge him outright as then he just won't connect. Even if you are not all comfortable about certain things he says, just lend him an ear. You may be shocked to know this, but at times, men prefer sensitive conversation to sex."

3. Be satisfied, emotionally & physically
Like Chhabria says, the difference between the two genders is that, men need sex for love and woman need love for sex. The physical aspect is very important and that's what makes a marriage different from all relationships. Well, like we all know, when one has indulged in getting physically with someone, the emotional aspect plays subconsciously. Make your husband feel that you are happy and satisfied with him physically as well as emotionally.

4. Don't play mind games
Portray yourself like you are. Psychologist Varkha Chulani says, "Authenticity is the first bond of emotional connection. If he sees you naked physically, he should also be able to see you naked emotionally. It's all about the transparency of a relationship. There should be no manipulation or game play involved."

5. Never set rules and stop advising
It is important that he shares his thoughts with you. But don't nag him to know everything about his life. Like Mehta says never set rules. Men don't like to be instructed especially by his wife. Well, his way is not always the wrong way. "He doesn't need a 'Miss Know It All' who keeps criticising him constantly," says Chhabria. And yes, there are other roles he might be playing, that of a son, a friend and a brother. You don't need to track him down 24x7.

6. Make him feel a better person
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial. Chulani chalks this out by saying that your man should be able to believe that being with you makes him feel a better person. The more self-enhanced he feels in your presence, the more he will be able to connect with you on an emotional level. He will be able to be in an emotionally better place only if you make him feel better about himself.

With all this dos and don'ts, you should remember that we're here talking about keeping your husband emotionally satisfied. But then, it's not just about setting aside your own life and solely focussing on his aspirations and interests. You should also be able to balance it out in the right way so as to make yours more than just a 'Happy Beginning'.