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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Why men and women behave differently


Whether it's the way we interact with the opposite sex or a simple handshake, body language experts tell us how caveman-like we really are. Read on to rediscover your true self.

As people in most marriages and relationships will have you know, men and women talk in different languages and mostly get by on wit, charm, sign language and some humour. Seriously speaking, the differences between men and women and their interpretation of things is so vastly different that the subject alone qualifies for full-time research.

'Mr Body Language', inspirational speaker and bestselling author, Allan Pease is known for his witty and insightful books such as, Why Men Don't Listen and Women Cant Read Maps, and Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love. This isn't just another mars-venus conflict. Now there's a scientific explanation to why women are exasperated and men, clueless. We caught the Australian author on a fleeting visit for a quick lesson on what makes us tick the way we do.

Different hardware
It is due to this difference in the brain's wiring, something that happened way back in our hunting and gathering days, that has cultivated our distinctly polar personalities. While men are looked upon for their resource gathering and protective skills, women with their strong intuitions and reproductive job roles fit another role. This meant, ancestral women wanted resources in men and men have evolved to be accumulators of resources and power.

What men and women want
Ancestral men sought reproductive ability in women, thus women have evolved with the motivation to do whatever is necessary to appear young, healthy and fertile. If you think it's primeval, it probably is. But consciously or subconsciously, men and women understand what the opposite sex wants. In the 21st century however, the 'balance of power' has rocked the mindset cradle. So while people tend to conform to current day trends instinctively, their reactions and actions are guided by their innate hard wiring.

In women for example, the ability to multitask is inborn. They can speak and listen simultaneously. This is because the left and right side of the brain, that are connected through connecting nerve cables is up to 30 per cent thicker in women than in men, making the transfer of information between the two sides that much faster. This helps them multitask and use both sides of their brain together at a speed faster than men. As a result, while men tend to do one thing at a time, women can do many more.

Talk it out
It's a well-established fact that women and their need to talk is rather critical to their survival. This is because, the way information is processed, in women talking is a great way to de-stress. By talking to more and more people about something that bothers them, they find a vent to their stress and feel relieved at the end of the day. Talking releases a chemical reaction in the body that brings down pressure and soothes their nerves. Unfortunately for them, men don't share their sentiment.

In times of trouble, men prefer to clam up and distract themselves from the problem entirely. Talking or listening about it, only makes them more and more uncomfortable with the situation. They are programmed to listen to a problem and find a solution. It gives them a sense of worth and satisfaction in working on working out a solution. Therefore, the concept of talking to vent, without wanting advice is so difficult for men to fathom.

Primate Instincts
An interesting result of the research was how similar humans are to chimps and monkey's when it comes to social behaviour. The brain, during the first four minutes, goes through similar survival checklists and accesses a new entrant on the basis of friendly or aggressive. Even a simple handshake.

Allan tells you how to get a perfect grip on the situation. He says, "Keep your hand vertical and match the pressure you receive. This might take a little bit of practice for some, but if your version of a 'firm' handshake crushes your opponent's fingers, it's not going to help matters. Also, while shaking hands with a woman, be aware of how much pressure you apply. Women can point their index fingers forward during a handshake, this will prevent the grip from being too tight. Else, with finger rings on, a tight grip can also seriously hurt their fingers or at times draw blood."